When we see our teens struggling with mental health issues or an eating disorder, it can be challenging to get the conversation started. But it’s an essential conversation, and one that could help save your teen's mental and physical health and ultimately their life. Teens can be especially resistant to wanting or receiving help, perhaps even denying that they have a problem.

Your primary role is listener and supporter, and to be an ongoing advocate for your teen. And your goal is to calmly express your concerns about their health and then listen to what they have to say without judgement.

So, how do you approach the discussion? Here are a few tips that may help facilitate a conversation:

• Calmly express your concerns by telling them what you have noticed recently. "I have noticed that you seem to be eating less than normal"¹ or "I noticed you seem to be exercising more lately." Do not mention their physical appearance unless a doctor has mentioned it first. Mentioning their appearance could make things worse if they are struggling with body image issues.
  
  

• Create a safe space for your teen to share. This means actively listening without judgement (this is critical to the conversation). Keep in mind that your teen is being vulnerable with you by sharing what is going on. You’re there to listen and support them in whatever they have to share. If you don't understand something, ask for clarification. Be understanding of what your teen is saying and do not try to unintentionally minimize or shame them. Whatever feelings they are feeling are valid. 
  
  

• Keep your emotions in check - Controlling our reactions tells your teen that they can trust you with sensitive information without you getting upset or overreacting. Teens may close up to avoid negative or dramatic reactions from parents.
  
  

• Do not try to solve the problem or offer advice (this is crucial). When we hear our child is in trouble, it’s natural for parents to want to go into full-on protective mama/papa-bear mode and try to solve the problem. This strategy may only cause your child to shut down, further alienating them. Do not try to control the situation. Only give advice if they ask for it.
  
  

• If you can't offer advice, what do you do? And what do you do if a teen rejects your help?

  First, educate yourself on mental health and see what resources are out there, especially those in your area.

  If your teen rejects the idea of help, explore with them the reasons why. If they don't want help from you for some reason, perhaps they would consider help from a professional therapist. Tell them to think of a therapist like a coach who is there to help people navigate life's struggles and "improve [their] game." ²   
  
  

• Be persistent, but patient. If your teen is resistant to help, keep trying. It may take time. You may be the only thing standing between them and possible lifelong mental health issues or worse. But know there is a whole community of support and resources at your disposal. As a parent, you don’t have to do this alone.

Sources Cited:

¹ https://www.parkview.com/blog/talking-with-your-teen-about-eating-disorders

² https://childmind.org/article/helping-resistant-teens-into-treatment/